Not Asking For It — Evansville Indiana Boudoir Photographer

Let's get one thing straight right off the top — no one is ever "asking for it" by choosing to wear revealing clothing or post revealing photos.

I've heard this a lot as a boudoir photographer. It’s come from every direction; from family friends who are concerned about my safety on social media as well as pissbaby fuck boys who throw a fit in my DM’s when I won’t send them nudes. Regardless of what I choose to do with my body, there’s always gonna be someone who has something to say about it. So many of us receive unwanted attention and unwanted advances no matter what we’re wearing. The amount of clothing we have on (or don’t have on!) doesn't have an effect on the amount of unsolicited comments and DM's.

One time in college, my best friend Kate and I were at a bar when two guys came up to talk to us. Eventually the conversation turned to them asking what our Instagram accounts were so they could follow us. When they saw our boudoir photos, they made some gross comments and Kate quickly put them in their place. They then got offended and asked her – “If you can’t take the comments then why do you post the pictures?” – which just about made our heads explode with rage. Kate did a great job at encapsulating why that was so infuriating, here’s what she had to say about it:

Allow me to properly answer that question. First and foremost, it’s not a matter of “taking it”. I’ve been taking it. Every woman has taken it for as long as they’ve been on this earth. Getting sent to the school office because your gym shorts distract your male classmates, being followed for three blocks while a stranger harasses you for your “ass lookin’ too good” or because you have “nice tits,” being called a slut because you won’t sleep with someone... the list is never ending. We get it. We’ve been getting it. So don’t get it twisted; we can take it. But we’re not accepting it anymore.

So yeah, I can take it when you call me a ‘dirty girl’ in front of God and everyone, but I absolutely do not and will not accept it. After a good decade of being sexualized to the point of hiding under clothes that are two sizes too big, I am not about to be sexualized and harassed for finally celebrating my body. My body is mine. Full stop. I share myself because I love myself. I do it for me. I do it for my sisters still wearing their too big clothes in hopes of inspiring them, and I do it for my sisters in skirts, suits, hijabs, booty shorts, turtlenecks, lacy thongs, and everything in between.

So for those who need a little reminder of your worth and to those who need to know that a woman’s worth is not determined by anyone other than herself, here are a few mantras to keep in mind:

• Nobody is allowed to make you feel that you’re less than because of your outfit.

• Your wardrobe does not allow people to objectify, harass, or abuse you.

• Empowerment is not an article of clothing.

And when you’re struggling to love yourself, you can bet ya beautiful ass that I’m over here lovin’ you.

So yeah. We’re gonna keep posting photos of ourselves on the internet, around our homes, and anywhere else we damn well please.

And I’ll keep doing it because this is my body, and I want to. That’s all the explanation anyone needs. Loving myself and the way I look loudly and proudly makes me feel empowered, and if someone wants to send me gross messages about it I'll continue knowing that's not a me problem and that I didn't ask for that. No one is entitled to me or my body just because I choose to share photos of myself. We are not responsible for other people's bad behaviors. And we should not have to minimize ourselves and disregard our desires because some people feel entitled to what's not theirs.

I hope you make choices that feel good to you and that empower you, whatever that may look like for you!

Like what you read here?

I would love to have you in the studio so you can have an experience like this for yourself! Whether you’re all in and ready to go, need some more info before we get started, or are on the fence and want to talk things through before you commit – I’m here for ya! Click here to get in touch!